


His anchor

by violadiaries



Series: Redemption [4]
Category: Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy IV: The After Years
Genre: Developing Friendship, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 22:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18765502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violadiaries/pseuds/violadiaries
Summary: Kain is shaken after taking Barbariccia  down on the Creator's Moon. Golbez keeps him company to cheer him up a little.





	His anchor

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language so I apologize for any language related mistakes, but I encourage you to point them out to me, so I myself can learn and improve, as well as correct them. I also want to encourage you to maybe leave me a review if you feel up to it, so again I can improve myself as a writer.
> 
> Fun Fact: this was the first out the the series that I wrote :')

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

His voice was almost alien to me as soft as it sounded. Nothing like the dark, harsh shouts I was used to from way back then. But then I recalled, that he was another person now, that he changed, just like I had changed. He redeemed himself… he was trusted by everyone now, nobody second-guessing him. But was that also the case with me? Did everyone trust me, just like they trusted him?

 

Sighing I tried to shake these thoughts from my head and looked at him, over my shoulder.

“I don’t know what there is to talk about”, I replied icy.

That was my way of saying: ‘No I don’t want to talk about it, so get away or I’ll make you.’

But he did the direct opposite, despite knowing my temper. He should know not to enrage me, not to annoy me, but he still came closer thinking that it maybe would make me talk.

 

“I know she meant a lot to you, even if you would never admit it yourself.”, he said calmly.

I stepped a bit away from him as he came to a halt next to me to bring some distance between us. Oh, I would admit that she meant at least something to me, but never out loud. I knew that there was something connecting us probably our equal love for the sky. Many would think that there was more than a strong friendship between us, and maybe she even felt more than that, I don’t know, but there wasn’t something else.

 

“And? She died once by my hand before, so what makes the second time this different.”, I just stated.

It was true… it was the second time that I killed her, but somehow…this time it hurt more than before.

 

“That this time, she didn’t want any of this.”, he replied dryly.

The way he looked at me made me feel vulnerable to him, like he could look into my soul, into my heart…into my thoughts. Well he probably could the last, he had done it once so why not now?

And once again I had to remind myself that this wasn’t the man that promised me power back then. He wasn’t the one who used me when I was at my lowest and made me do his bidding…made me kill innocents for him.

 

I looked away, turned my eyes to the endless seeming area in front of me. His words rang inside my head. This time she was the one that was manipulated, wanting nothing of what she did. Closing my eyes I thought back to the moment, she looked directly at me, silently pleading me to kill her. She had moved her lips…

 

_“Please Kain…”_

 

Her voice resonated in my thoughts that desperate look in her eyes still so very clear before me. She had begged me to kill her…only me, and I had done the deed. I had pushed my spear forward breaking it in the process, and had killed her.

 

“It was the right thing to do…”, he tried to reassure me.

He probably wasn’t looking in my head with his magic, but he still knew my every thought.

“I know…”, I whispered in return.

That didn’t make it hurt less, to have killed her. I felt his hand on my arm. He must have stepped closer to me. I didn’t back off, I didn’t want to. I felt good to have him here right now…not anyone else. Nobody of them knew her…but him and me.

 

For a while we just stayed like this, he keeping his hand on my arm in a reassuring way of manner, and I standing there basking in his presence, eyes closed. It was kind of calming to just stand here like this.

“I’m sorry…”, he said after a while.

Opening my eyes, I looked at him slightly confused.

 

“What is there to be sorry about?”, I asked in return.

Again he looked at me, like he was looking straight into my soul and I couldn’t help but feel vulnerable again.

“What I did to you back th-“ – “ That wasn’t you, that we both now. So don’t apologize, understood?”

 

I interrupted him just because I couldn’t hear it, no I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want him to beg for my forgiveness or something like that…that just felt…wrong. After all I was right, wasn’t I. That hadn’t been him who did those things to me, that had been Zeromus.

He looked surprised at me, and I kind of think we changed positions just now, with him being the one who felt vulnerable. He the averted his eyes from me staring in front of us, seemingly in thought now. I didn’t really knew what there was to think about really, for I had only spoken the truth.

 

“What are you going to do after this. I heard that you have lived on the Mount Ordeals for the last seventeen years… I can tell you Rosa wouldn’t like it much, if you returned there…”, he asked, sounding slightly concerned.

“Well…I needed time to think…a lot of time to think. But I will probably return to Baron, if only for Ceodore’s sake. The boy needs someone to guide him and while I admit I might not be the best person for the job, I want to try it at least.”, I answered honestly.

 

I saw him nod, his hand not moving from my arm, but he scooted a bit closer to me. What was his intention with wanting to be near me. We had next to no bond…only the fact that the both of us had been marionettes of the same person, of the same evil mind. But he still always tried to stick with me rather than with the others.

But maybe that was just the reason. Maybe he thought the same way I did doubting if the others actually really trust him and not judge him for what he did.

 

He knew I wouldn’t judge him for what happened and I just made that clear once again. I knew best what it is like to go through something like that, to be controlled and manipulated that way. I let him stay close to me just continuing staring in front of me.

His presence was kind of soothing to me and while I couldn’t tell why it was that way I knew that I didn’t want it to end. It’s way different from what I felt in his presence back then but then again…that hadn’t been him. That dark aura that had surrounded him back then had been Zeromus.

 

Everything around us grew quiet and I liked it that way. I didn’t want it any other way. It was easy to ignore everything around me… around us like that and I didn’t want that to change. His question came back to my mind and a question of mine with it.

“What will you do in the aftermath of this?”, I asked quietly.

Slowly I turned my eyes to him the question not leaving them, not leaving him alone until I had an answer. But he didn’t speak, he closed his eyes. It seemed like he was trying to think of a way to explain his thoughts to me and then I felt it cursing through me.

 

A wave of magic, powerful black magic that only could belong to him.

_“Close your eyes”_

 

His voice resonated inside my head and slightly afraid I did as he told me and closed my eyes. Then I saw it. The destruction, the grief that had stricken him, the tragedy that had befallen the moon of the Lunarians. I did know next to nothing about his race or about his and Cecil’s uncle, only that he had helped him regaining his senses. But from what I could tell from his memories, he was probably dead…beyond hope.

But I also felt a strong determination coming from Golbez as he showed me that. Next the image shifted back to him this time inside of the Lunar Whale but not on his way to earth, what must have been the exact aftermath of the destruction Zeromus had once again brought over the moon of the Lunarians, no he was on his way away from earth.

 

_“I’m going to find him…them…all of them.”_

 

Again his words were only in my mind before he withdrew his hand from my arm and I could open my eyes at once again. I was slightly confused about what hat just happened to me, but nevertheless I now knew why he seemed to be so quiet about what he knew about the girl and everything.

Once again everything had been taken from him this time leaving him to search for it all alone. I didn’t know what temped me to speak the next words, didn’t know if it was pity or understanding, but I spoke them out loud nonetheless:

 

“If you can’t find him…if you can’t find the moon again. Please return to Earth. I know it is hard for you and I know that you think you don’t have a place there but that is not true. And the loneliness can do horrible things to your mind.”

I averted my eyes to the ground as I spoke, not sure if it was out of place for me to demand such a thing from him, but unlike him I have been utterly alone for the last seventeen years, pitying myself and letting the loneliness slowly consuming me.

 

No one knew, but if it hadn’t been for Ceodore I would have been driven far enough that day to take my own life and end it all.

“And for the record…you have a place down there. And if Cecil has to move mountains to build one, don’t doubt he wouldn’t do it.”, I added quietly.

The thoughts of Cecil and his current state made a shot of guilt creep through me. If I had stayed in Baron then maybe it wouldn’t have come this far.

 

“I…I will think about it. But only…if I find you in Baron as well then.”, I replied.

Surprised I blinked a few times at the ground, not daring to look up at him but astonished with his answer. He wanted…to see me there?

“Like I said. I will return if only for Ceodores sake. Seventeen years ago, when we journeyed to your moon to defeat Zeromus I had planned to die up there, but know I am certain that we all will return alive to the people that love and respect us.”, I explained.

 

I didn’t know what came over me, never having been one to become oversentimental but something about his presence just did that to me.

“Good. Then I too will do my best.”, he said quietly this time stepping a bit away from me.

I looked up at him and saw him looking at me with a small smile creeping on his lips. As far as I can remember I never saw him smile even after everything was over. I made me feel a bit weird knowing that I was the first and probably the only one to see it on this journey but somehow…I wanted to see it more often.

 

“Let us return to the camp, the others must be worried.”, he said, averting is eyes and turning around.

“Wait. Why did you of all people come after me, I have to ask.”, I said, turning fully to him.

He looked at me over his shoulder, still smiling, but this time it was a bit wider, a bit more mischievous.

“Well…I wanted to make sure that my favorite person up here doesn’t succumbs to the loneliness he creates upon himself. As you mentioned yourself, the loneliness can do horrible things to ones mind.”, he answered and walked ahead.

 

I felt my checks slightly warming up at his comment about being his favorite person up here but didn’t let that distract me. Though a small memory crept up in my head…us standing on the moon of the Lunarians…his lips on mine. At least I tried not letting it distract me while I hurried after him back to the camp.

His smile was engraved in my mind and I was determined to see it again… to keep him not let him end up like me…creating his own loneliness upon himself…

 

I would be his anchor like he is mine…


End file.
